Coming from a break up in a relationship is always a challenge to both partners. In my case, the challenge was an even more challenging one being the first time to go through the experience. Finding a balance between the logical and emotional distress was quite a challenge. I had to come up with a suitable approach to striking a balance between what I was thinking of my partner and my emotional disposition on the matter (Seligman and Reichenberg, 2013). I felt my partner was selfish and could hardly sacrifice time to work on the relationship. On the other hand, I was presumed to be nagging and an adamant at complaining. However is was able to heal from the break up after employing the gestalts empty chair technique to work out the distress I was experiencing.
The gestalts empty chair technique involved me picking up two chairs and placing them facing each other. I would sit on one and face the other facing myself in another seat. I would question myself on what I would have done differently to make the relationship work. O was able to understand the perceptions, facts organization, behavioral phenomena, and consequently understand that the ultimate goal of living thing in self-actualization (Seligman, & Reichenberg, 2013). I was able to find out that my expectation for more time commitment of my boyfriend was self-centered and ignorant of his dream of realizing a successful career. I got a glimpse of the quagmire that I placed him in by asking him to trade his commitment to his job for our relationship.
Consequently, I established a holistic approach to the events and decision made that lead to the breakup. While this makes me an individual, who was able to draw an understanding of the egoistic approach I had developed that result in the eventual alienation of either of us. The phenomenological tradition I had adopted was the traditional cliche that my boyfriend was possibly involved in another relationship (Seligman, & Reichenberg, 2013). Hence they did not have time to spend with me. I understood his intentions were to build a great career to support the after experiences. While the experience of this reflections were quite challenges, they gave a different understanding of the dimensions of interpersonal relationships leading to the successful healing process.
Key learning areas included getting an awareness of interacting with other people to make a real interpersonal relationship. I found out while reflecting on the scenarios that had led to the break up could have been avoided had I paid more attention to body language rather than the speech content (Seligman, & Reichenberg, 2013). Had I done a thorough assessment of by observation, listening, talking, touching, and moving I would have found out the honest expressing that my partner was investing in for us. The ego boundary I had developed made the working out of our relationship a challenge that neither of us would have been able to compromise and make it work out again.
The experience helped gain an introspective approach to interpersonal interactions. I realized that personal reservation and failure to express emotions hindered me from learning and growth (Seligman, & Reichenberg, 2013). The emotional attachment to him led an imbalance between logic and emotion. I gave me an awareness of the humanistic nature leading me to pick a respectful and non-judgmental approach to similar scenarios in future.
Seligman, L., & Reichenberg, L. (2013). Theories of counseling and psychotherapy (4th ed.). Pearson College Division.
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